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Just a few
calories ago, the government revised the food pyramid. You can see it
at
http://www.mypyramid.gov/
It has a snazzy
new logo with a stick figure dashing up the Steps To a Healthier You on
the side of the pyramid. It’s supposed to be in better tune with
our complicated modern life, the latest Scientific Thought, and reflect
a customized pyramid which better fits our lifestyle, not that
there’s anything wrong with that. They have an animation, a mini-poster
for the art-impaired, and, “a wealth of ideas to help you get
started to a healthier diet.”
In better tune
– with modern life? Then why a pyramid? Isn’t that
Egypto-elitist? Doesn’t that perhaps reflect a suspect cash
infusion from the travel industry? How many people will EVER run up a
pyramid? And if they do, why aren’t they carrying a six pack of
bottled water? “Water, the Almost Food.” Because the water
lobby is weak, that’s why.
See, that’s
what’s wrong with government – no big thinkers. All around
us we see sellouts and commercialization: Product placement;
Endorsements; Co-promotions; Synergism! But does the government see
this? Noooo. Instead of cribbing money from this or that entitlement
program, why not some good old entrepreneurship in our leadership! What
do you think McDonalds would pay to have that stick figure run up the
GOLDEN ARCHES?
But I wonder if
the department of food thought this through? There could be a
stickfigure of a mom in a stick minivan (note: sell van logo) or a guy
carrying a laptop (note: sell computer logo) racing to catch a train
(note: place Amtrak logo), while talking on his cell phone (note: sell
cell phone logo). Boggles the mind, doesn’t it? THINK of the
monetization possibilities which could all go to reducing the budget
deficit!
And while we are
free-thinking here, why not go wild and sell advertising space on the
one, five and ten dollar bill? Some court is going to strike down In
God We Trust anyway. Consider: “Reach Out and Touch Someone
– AT&T.” Wouldn’t they pay a billion for umpteen
gazillion impressions? And here’s the best part – those
bills have a limited lifetime. The treasury is ALWAYS taking old worn
out ones out of the supply and printing new ones. How many OTHER
advertisers would wait in LINE? What do you think Target would pay to
replace that odd eye and triangle with the Target logo bulls eye? And
why show an old building on the rear of the $10? Why not show the
latest Las Vegas
resort? Keep the Eagle. What do you think PETSMART would pay for a
little banner?
But back to the
Food Pyramid. Why not monetize “calories”? What would
McDonalds pay to change the word to “McNutrients?”
Of course,
we’d need an Office of Promotional Tie-In. I think $500,000,000
would get it kick started. Hey, why do we need zeros? They could just
as well be tiny Target logos.
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